what if you already are the healer you’ve dreamt of?

Where do you believe true health begins? In the body? The diet? Is our jumping off point exposures to toxins? Or is it found in a lab? In consumables? Under the sun? In the mind? In the emotions? These are questions that self-proclaimed gurus, allopathic medicine doctors, naturopathic healers, psychologists, therapists, nutritionists, scientists, philosophers, and the like, have been asking since probably the dawn of time. This is also the question that has dominated my own curiosities for the better part of 10 years. I believe I’ve found my answer, which is that, it depends, and it’s different for every individual.

Health is not linear. It does not follow a set of stringent hard and fast rules, it’s messy, complicated, and intuitive. Not everyone feels capable of diagnosing what exactly it is they are suffering with mentally, emotionally, or physically, but most people are well aware that they are experiencing disregulation, and are ready to express it with the language they possess. I say most, because many emotional and mental health sufferers have a difficult time grasping or accepting that they are in fact, suffering. Likely due to the stigma surrounding mental health and emotional expression. In private, or among trusted confidants their story might differ.

Health practitioners and enthusiasts of all ilk have wrestled with this dubious inquiry, looking for hard and fast rules to fix, repair, cure, and heal our bodies. But the answer they’re seeking may not exist. Not because healing isn’t possible, not because none of these methods work, but because there isn’t one single answer! [Honestly, is there ever? Most topics are much too complex for singular truths.]

I believe the problem we are now facing, is that there’s no simple, quick fix. There is only hard work, deconstructing outdated beliefs and methods, and rebuilding with better materials at a manageable pace, and above all, learning to listen to your body. This process looks different for everyone. There are no rules on what order care should be taken in a broad sense. Healing is a process. It’s trial and error, troubleshooting. Healing is the responsibility and task of the individual who requires it, the ‘experts’ are only here as guides. You are always the expert on your own body. Their advice should be tested against your body’s wisdom, always.

You’ve probably heard people say, “your health is your responsibility.” or “your health is in your hands, and no one else’s.” In my experience these sentences can either be inflammatory, or inspiring. I believe this is because in their simplicity, they’ve discarded the nuance of the message. These sayings are not here to shame you into believing it is your fault, and your fault alone that you are sick, suffering, or dis-eased. How could they mean that when that is so seldom true? It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility. As in, even if you didn’t directly cause the issue, you are still the person who needs to push to resolve it, because it is affecting your quality of life.

These sayings denote the personal responsibility so innate to each of us, and yet, so often banished from our consciousness for the easier route of pointing fingers, or playing victim. As long as we refuse to take charge of our own lives, as long as we defer our most precious and personal decisions to a ‘higher power’ or a ‘higher authority’ we are doing ourselves a disservice. 

We are waging war on our own sovereignty. We are shunning our higher self, our instincts, our bodily wisdom, we are reinforcing the notion that we are not equipped to take care of ourselves in this life.

As if that isn’t bad enough, when we don’t allow ourselves the space to think critically, we also reinforce our mistrust of self. Thereby separating ourselves further from our unlearned, untaught, inherent and instinctual bodily wisdom, and with that, we separate from ourselves. The truest of tragedies, and the most painful to come back from.

This is where I believe the people who feel that they can’t heal themselves are — in such a deep state of self-abandonment that they don’t even remember how to feel their own feelings, or think their own thoughts. This type of dissociation is common, but not normal, and it is heartbreaking. Millennials are on track to become the most educated generation, and yet they are also the most unhealthy generation, despite routinely practicing ‘healthy habits’, despite the majority of this generation being extremely ‘health conscious.’ And, I’m willing to bet that if it were measurable, this would be the generation with the most access to healthcare and healing protocols out of any that has come before.

So, what gives?

Why do we currently have more disease than ever before in history, despite the fact that this is the most evolved society has ever been? What has changed in the last 200 years to spike disease and disregulation so sharply in so many? Is allopathic medicine really what we should be putting our faith in? Are trendy diets, weight loss plans, a pill for every ill, sterilization of our surroundings, and separation from nature really the key to health? Or are we actually ass-backwards as a collective society when it comes to health?

I believe that all of the answers reside in our bones, that is to say, with the wisdom of our ancestors that is written in our genetic codes, from up to 50 generations back. I believe that the answer to all forms of health is multi-faceted but it all begins in the self. It all begins within our own bodies, and our own consciousnesses. I believe each of us holds the key to our own healing, and that is also the key to our purpose. I believe that we all deserve to have excellent health, and longevity in our lives, if we want to. 

In my lifetime, I’ve seen science, psychology and medicine make incredible strides in understanding what makes us and keeps us unwell. But I believe that understanding is incomplete without the perspective of the patient. We know our bodies, and our histories better than anyone on this Earth. And when we’re tuned into the language of our bodies, we are capable of miraculous healing. We are the experts on our own bodies.

Our healing doesn’t need to happen in isolation, but it also shouldn’t require total acquiescence to another being, no matter what their title is. In order to take an active role in our own care we should be willing to check in with ourselves and trust our intuition on what feels right for our own bodies. This feeling may change overtime, just as you do, so it’s imperative that we are in constant communication with ourselves, listening carefully to the language of our bodies.

I believe our bodies are wise, and they understand what they need to thrive. The trouble comes when we forget how to listen. So it follows that when you learn how to listen to your body, you will learn how to heal yourself. This method of care takes time, patience, and trust in your own wisdom and knowledge of yourself. So it’s important to build a strong foundation and connection to yourself, so that you can be cared for as the unique individual you are. Remember, experts are only experts in their fields, you are always the expert on yourself.

I believe that most of us are simply missing the tools, and the understanding of basic self care. Because we were not taught these things when we were young, or the pace of the modern world made them feel impossible, or for a million other reasons, we’ve forgotten ourselves. I know this, because I started out as one of these people, who hadn’t the faintest clue as to how to care for myself in this world.

At times it was embarrassing, infuriating, or simply frustrating to watch my incompetence at meeting my own needs. But when my needs got loud enough, it was all I could do to begin listening, deeply, patiently, openly, softly. I found then, and I still find today that my body has every answer I’ve ever read in a book already inside her. She knows what her needs are, and it’s my job to learn how to meet them. I now see this as my greatest honor, pleasure and privilege to care for myself so fully that my life once again feels whole.

Had I listened to the mainstream views on health or had I accepted my doctors assessment of my symptoms as the end-all-be-all of my prognosis, I would be very sick, and only getting sicker. I would still have a rib out of place, migraines 5-6 days a week, no appetite, unimaginable pains in my ovaries [caused by parasites!!], every symptom of fibromyalgia, hypothyroidism, and I would need glasses for the rest of my life, among so many other ailments. Instead, every time my doctor told me there was nothing they could do, that I seemed healthy despite my many aggravating symptoms, or that the best course of treatment was to “just wait, and see if it goes away,” every. time. it fueled the fire in me to figure it out for myself. To become my own healer. And now I am my own healer, and I’ve healed from so many issues mental, physical, and somatic through holistic means of food, nature, breath work, movement, and music.

And throughout the work that came with healing myself, I discovered my talent, passion and gift for teaching others how to heal themselves. I became aware that this is something I have always done, and always had a passion for, and I am now building a life around holistic healing for others as well. I am reminded every day how simple healing is for those who are ready and willing to pursue it for themselves. I don’t believe that your health or mine should be dependent on a crumbling ‘health’ care system predicated on pharmaceuticals and pathologies to ‘cure.’ We are made of organic materials, and I believe we can heal ourselves through holistic means, so long as we are ready to do so, and to believe again in the power and wisdom of nature.