personal responsibility; a subdivision of integrity

Let’s talk about personal responsibility. As in the responsibility that each of us has to ourselves, to honor ourselves, to take care of ourselves, and to consider our impacts in this world. Personal responsibility I would say, is a branch of integrity. I love the definitions of integrity from Merriam-Webster, which are as follows—

1. firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values ; INCORRUPTIBILITY

2. an unimpaired condition ; SOUNDNESS

3. the quality or state of being complete or undivided ; COMPLETENESS

Our integrity denotes our completeness. We are complete when we have a thriving sense of integrity. We get to a place of integrity by working through our personal responsibilities. Our personal responsibilities determine our needs, our inner workings and our code of honor.

People today avoid personal responsibility like the plague. They act insulted when they are held accountable or asked to answer for themselves, their actions, their choices, their beliefs. They guard their delusions of self and happiness with fractionated personalities that are weak and brittle. They get defensive when they are held accountable because on some level they know that they have not been holding themselves accountable, and this reminds them of their imperfections, which a fragile ego cannot own without total destruction.

And that’s what it is, isn’t it? That we are protecting our egos as if they were our souls. We are using this brittle mask that we show to the world and we are pretending that it is our truth. This is a deeply unfulfilling place to live from. An ego is impossible to satisfy, because it is only skin deep, it doesn’t hold any weight, except the weight of judgement. The ego is self-serving, and selectively blind. When we live from this space, we have little integrity [if any] and even less personal responsibility.  

No one wants to be told that they are wrong. It’s uncomfortable, it can feel dangerous, antagonistic, or threatening. But the mark of a healthy psyche is the ability to hold that discomfort and approach it with curiosity and deeper truth. Am I wrong? If so, why do I feel such a strong need to hold onto this delusion, opinion, expression, selfishness? How is this serving me? Why does it hurt so bad to hear that I am wrong, have made a poor choice, or hurt someone in some way? How is this affecting me? How is this affecting those around me? What am I protecting here other than my ego? Can I separate myself from my ego?

To me, integrity is the ability to hold yourself even when you’ve made mistakes, even when you’re wrong, even when you come face to face with the need to restructure your entire life. 

“INCORRUPTIBILITY. SOUNDNESS. COMPLETENESS.”

Incorruptibility. That’s an interesting term. To me this speaks of the ability to stay true to yourself in the face of any obstacle, or shiny object. It’s a strong sense of self, that isn’t predicated on your ability to distract yourself from your issues, but to own them, work on them, transform them the way that you see fit. Incorruptibility speaks to our abilities to stand up for what is right, true, fair, decent, kind, compassionate, and loving even in the face of our greatest enemies—our egos.

Soundness. Solidity, is another word. Are you solid? Do you stand on your beliefs and principles? Do you think them all the way through and apply them to every part of you? Or just the parts that are easy, and just in the ways that suit you? That is not integrity. That is manipulation, that is flimsy, that is a farce. Soundness dictates that we are unmoving at our core. Our beliefs may shift, evolve, transform as we grow, but we stay solid.

Completeness. I love this one. We are human, which means we are innately wise, imperfect beings. We hold within us both heaven and hell. We are all things at once, we have capacity for all things within us. We are full of experiences, good, bad, ugly, and abundant. We love a good dichotomy. We like to separate our worlds into distinct categories, separating every whole into it’s respective pieces. We draw lines in the sand, we pick sides. I believe we do all of this from a place of deep discomfort with ourselves. On some level we all sense wholeness. We know that purified nutrients aren’t the same as whole foods, because they feel so different in our bodies. We know inside that we are capable of experiencing any emotion, or exhibiting any personality traits, we are everything, and that makes us so uncomfortable! 

It’s difficult to hold everything. It takes a lot of work to understand the complex interactions of body, mind and soul that comprises each of our existences. It’s difficult to remember everything we are capable of when we are in a season of focusing in on just a few things. It’s messy to allow ourselves to open, to fill up our entire being. And it’s terrifying, because we know that there’s a lot of sorrow, hurt, grief, sadness, brokenness, despair, and shadows lying in wait for us to notice them. But if we want to be whole, we must learn to hold these things just as we hold the pleasant things.

On some level I think we understand that. And that is why we run in the other direction when faced with our personal responsibility.

If I am all things at once, and I am capable of holding everything that is within me [consciously, or otherwise] then I am also wholly responsible for myself and for my choices. If this is true, I am responsible for and in control of the trajectory of my existence. Which means that when good things happen, I made that happen! But it also means that when I am disregulated, diseased, struggling or stuck it is both because of my choices, and dependent on my choices and actions to move on.

That truth right there is too much for most people these days. No one wants to be told that their distractions are keeping them from living well. No one wants to take responsibility for tanking their own health, physically or mentally. Because regardless of whether or not that was their intention, they are still responsible for initiating, structuring, and doing the work to get out of that place. That’s the difficult pill to swallow. That’s what we don’t want to face. That even if we didn’t mean to, we still have to fix it. We still have to do the work to heal, to be complete.